16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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