I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
