I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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