I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
