You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
