bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
