that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
