the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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