and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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