we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
