I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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