You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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