just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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