dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
is it fun? or sober?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
