we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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