god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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