dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
