Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
