i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
