"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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