i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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