"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
