oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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