if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
