Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There r osticjed everywhere
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
