i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
