Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
