I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
