imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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