Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize