dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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