Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
