Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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