The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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