Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
