i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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