I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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