You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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