I just pynch a tree in the face
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Two words: blizzard sex
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize