Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
