They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
zippers are such a cool invention
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this hospital has no fireball
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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