i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
