ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
