i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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