What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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