theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
