This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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