I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
