i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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