you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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