I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
