i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
