We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
