i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
