i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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