oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
