You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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