hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
