i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
