i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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