your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
