Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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