You're my little dorito
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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