i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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