I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
