The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
