I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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