A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize