I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
