Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize